One Year Later

My sweet Little Miss,

It's me, mommy....

Today is your one year "angel-versary".  A year ago today I had no idea that I would be kissing you good-bye one last time.  How is that even possible?  I've been looking at a lot of your pictures lately and I came across the last picture I took of you.  How is it possible that I have a LAST picture of you??  It just doesn't seem real.  It doesn't seem right.  But, baby girl, I want you to know that seeing your picture (even the last one) still makes my heart skip a beat and brings a smile to my face.

This year has been filled with the highest of highs and the lowest of lows.  God has blessed your daddy and I in so many ways this year.  He sent us your little sister to fill our empty arms. He strengthened our love for each other by making us support one another in ways we never have had to before.  And he has taught us that no matter how low life can get sometimes, there is always something to celebrate and be thankful for.

One of the things that your daddy and I have been so worried about this year is if you would be proud of us.  On our hardest days, we do our best to remember that you are watching us.  No 15 month old would be entertained by a couple of old people sitting around crying all day.  So we do our best to make the most of each day just for you.  We hope we have made you proud baby girl.

Even though you were only on this earth for 3 months and 11 days, you made an impact.  You have touched the hearts of so many people.  Some of these people know you and some you have never met.  Some your daddy and I have never met.  We still get letters in the mail from friends we haven't talked to in years about how much you and your life have changed theirs.  Your daddy and I are so proud of you, monkey.  

I miss you so much, Hailey.  There isn't a second that goes by that my thoughts don't turn to you.  Loosing you has been one of the hardest things I have had to go through.  There are moments when the tears don't stop and getting out of bed seems impossible.  As hard as it is sometimes and as much as my heart breaks, I wouldn't change it.  Having you with us for those 3 months and 11 days meant everything.  You showed me what it means to be a mommy.  You wrapped your daddy around your little finger and made him the best "girly dad" out there.  I wouldn't give those days back for anything.  Not for anything. 

Hold on to us today, sweet girl.  Let your daddy know how great he is and how much you love him.  Play with your sister in her dreams.  Hearing her laugh in her sleep gives your daddy and I so much comfort in knowing that she will always know her big sister.  Hug your puppies and maybe tell Tucker to chill out a little bit when it comes to Gracie. **Help your momma out**  

I hope you always remember the touch of my hand on your face as I rocked you to sleep.  Remember the silliness of the sounds that daddy would make to try to get you to smile.  Never forget the kisses we smothered you in before laying you down to sleep.  Remember the love we had for you when you were here and the love that we have for you now.

I love you so much Hailey Rae.  Forever and always.
Mommy