My sweet Little Miss,
It's me, mommy....
Today is your one year "angel-versary". A year ago today I had no idea that I would be kissing you good-bye one last time. How is that even possible? I've been looking at a lot of your pictures lately and I came across the last picture I took of you. How is it possible that I have a LAST picture of you?? It just doesn't seem real. It doesn't seem right. But, baby girl, I want you to know that seeing your picture (even the last one) still makes my heart skip a beat and brings a smile to my face.
This year has been filled with the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. God has blessed your daddy and I in so many ways this year. He sent us your little sister to fill our empty arms. He strengthened our love for each other by making us support one another in ways we never have had to before. And he has taught us that no matter how low life can get sometimes, there is always something to celebrate and be thankful for.
One of the things that your daddy and I have been so worried about this year is if you would be proud of us. On our hardest days, we do our best to remember that you are watching us. No 15 month old would be entertained by a couple of old people sitting around crying all day. So we do our best to make the most of each day just for you. We hope we have made you proud baby girl.
Even though you were only on this earth for 3 months and 11 days, you made an impact. You have touched the hearts of so many people. Some of these people know you and some you have never met. Some your daddy and I have never met. We still get letters in the mail from friends we haven't talked to in years about how much you and your life have changed theirs. Your daddy and I are so proud of you, monkey.
I miss you so much, Hailey. There isn't a second that goes by that my thoughts don't turn to you. Loosing you has been one of the hardest things I have had to go through. There are moments when the tears don't stop and getting out of bed seems impossible. As hard as it is sometimes and as much as my heart breaks, I wouldn't change it. Having you with us for those 3 months and 11 days meant everything. You showed me what it means to be a mommy. You wrapped your daddy around your little finger and made him the best "girly dad" out there. I wouldn't give those days back for anything. Not for anything.
Hold on to us today, sweet girl. Let your daddy know how great he is and how much you love him. Play with your sister in her dreams. Hearing her laugh in her sleep gives your daddy and I so much comfort in knowing that she will always know her big sister. Hug your puppies and maybe tell Tucker to chill out a little bit when it comes to Gracie. **Help your momma out**
I hope you always remember the touch of my hand on your face as I rocked you to sleep. Remember the silliness of the sounds that daddy would make to try to get you to smile. Never forget the kisses we smothered you in before laying you down to sleep. Remember the love we had for you when you were here and the love that we have for you now.
I love you so much Hailey Rae. Forever and always.
Mommy
Friday, September 26, 2014
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
Ten Tuesday Things
So here we go...10 Tuesday things about life in general right now :)
1. Netflix has kind of ruled our television lately. As excited as I am for fall TV to be back, I will miss being able to watch one episode after another until the wee hours of the morning. That's the great thing about Netflix...you can watch an entire series in a weekend. Not saying that we've done that before....
Anywhoo...Right now I'm enjoying a tall glass of water and watching 3 Men and a Baby while paying bills. Ugh...anything to keep my mind off of our dwindling bank account. It's greatness having all these movies right at my fingertips. Oldies, but goodies I tell ya.
2. I made it through the first week of school not being at school. Monday was the weirdest thing. I woke up at 8:30 and had the strangest feeling that I was supposed to be somewhere. It clicked immediately that I should be an hour into my work day, but there I was still in bed. Lauren and I decided to distract ourselves by relaxing by the pool. It was fun, but still so weird to not be working. The week went by quickly, so that was a plus. I also got plenty of updates from my work BFFs :)
3. One of the most difficult things about not working is having all the time in the world for my mind to wander. With baby day getting closer and closer, it's hard not to think about what it was like our first go around. The dreams are becoming very vivid and Hailey has made a few visits. With the pack n play set up, there have been many flashback moments that don't make it easy to wake up. It'll be nice to have a distraction, but that distraction can bring a lot of other emotional things. I guess we will just have to wait and see how it all plays out.
4. I swear it's getting hotter and hotter. While I appreciate that the heat held off all summer, it is now September and I'm ready to wear leggings and long sleeves.
5. My baking addiction has slowed down. Although, I do have some pretty ripe bananas on the kitchen counter that are just dying to become banana bread...yup. That's going to happen today.
6. As my baking has slowed down, my crafting has picked up. I made Hailey some goodies for her flower bouquet over the next month of so. Had to do some back to school stuff, and I got a jump start on her Halloween arrangement. The flower shop at the funeral home informed us that if we bring in the goods, they will put it all together in an arrangement for us. I'm thinking of trying this out for Halloween this year. Love the ladies up there.
7. Mike's brothers have been in Kansas City for 3 weeks now. It's so crazy that they are living in another city. Another state. Just somewhere other than 15 minutes away from us, to play hockey. The pictures they have sent us make them look like their professionals. They are, but it's just so crazy how much they've grown. Mike and I are so proud of them.
8. Desi had her first Bridal Shower! Rick's family put on a super fun shower with the best food. I literally could eat tex-mex everyday. I'm so happy for these two. They are two of my favorite people and I can't wait for more wedding festivities!
9. Insurance sucks. It is just WAY complicated. That is all.
10. Labor Day has come and gone. This year was very different from last. Last year was Hailey's first time in the pool! It was the best. She was too tiny for swim diapers so we kept her in her normal diaper. Talk about a loaded diaper! We were also swimming at Bill's house. That was our last swim in that pool. I miss that pool. Like I've said before, the hardest thing lately has been living in a time that every day has a memory with Hailey. As great as it is to look back and remember, my heart breaks more and more everyday because I know that in just a few short weeks those memories won't continue. But, we did what we have gotten so good at doing, putting our happy faces on and living in the now. We were surrounded by friends and family. All in all it was a great day!
1. Netflix has kind of ruled our television lately. As excited as I am for fall TV to be back, I will miss being able to watch one episode after another until the wee hours of the morning. That's the great thing about Netflix...you can watch an entire series in a weekend. Not saying that we've done that before....
Anywhoo...Right now I'm enjoying a tall glass of water and watching 3 Men and a Baby while paying bills. Ugh...anything to keep my mind off of our dwindling bank account. It's greatness having all these movies right at my fingertips. Oldies, but goodies I tell ya.
2. I made it through the first week of school not being at school. Monday was the weirdest thing. I woke up at 8:30 and had the strangest feeling that I was supposed to be somewhere. It clicked immediately that I should be an hour into my work day, but there I was still in bed. Lauren and I decided to distract ourselves by relaxing by the pool. It was fun, but still so weird to not be working. The week went by quickly, so that was a plus. I also got plenty of updates from my work BFFs :)
3. One of the most difficult things about not working is having all the time in the world for my mind to wander. With baby day getting closer and closer, it's hard not to think about what it was like our first go around. The dreams are becoming very vivid and Hailey has made a few visits. With the pack n play set up, there have been many flashback moments that don't make it easy to wake up. It'll be nice to have a distraction, but that distraction can bring a lot of other emotional things. I guess we will just have to wait and see how it all plays out.
4. I swear it's getting hotter and hotter. While I appreciate that the heat held off all summer, it is now September and I'm ready to wear leggings and long sleeves.
5. My baking addiction has slowed down. Although, I do have some pretty ripe bananas on the kitchen counter that are just dying to become banana bread...yup. That's going to happen today.
6. As my baking has slowed down, my crafting has picked up. I made Hailey some goodies for her flower bouquet over the next month of so. Had to do some back to school stuff, and I got a jump start on her Halloween arrangement. The flower shop at the funeral home informed us that if we bring in the goods, they will put it all together in an arrangement for us. I'm thinking of trying this out for Halloween this year. Love the ladies up there.
Frapps and a visit with my little miss.
7. Mike's brothers have been in Kansas City for 3 weeks now. It's so crazy that they are living in another city. Another state. Just somewhere other than 15 minutes away from us, to play hockey. The pictures they have sent us make them look like their professionals. They are, but it's just so crazy how much they've grown. Mike and I are so proud of them.
8. Desi had her first Bridal Shower! Rick's family put on a super fun shower with the best food. I literally could eat tex-mex everyday. I'm so happy for these two. They are two of my favorite people and I can't wait for more wedding festivities!
Desirae and 3 of her bridesmaids
9. Insurance sucks. It is just WAY complicated. That is all.
10. Labor Day has come and gone. This year was very different from last. Last year was Hailey's first time in the pool! It was the best. She was too tiny for swim diapers so we kept her in her normal diaper. Talk about a loaded diaper! We were also swimming at Bill's house. That was our last swim in that pool. I miss that pool. Like I've said before, the hardest thing lately has been living in a time that every day has a memory with Hailey. As great as it is to look back and remember, my heart breaks more and more everyday because I know that in just a few short weeks those memories won't continue. But, we did what we have gotten so good at doing, putting our happy faces on and living in the now. We were surrounded by friends and family. All in all it was a great day!
Labor Day 2013 Labor Day 2014
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